There comes a time when lines need to be crossed, boundaries broken, close your eyes, leave everything to fate and just take that one step. I have always been afraid to do it. Because of that, I have kept myself locked in my own world of fear.
I have fallen in love with a friend and it was eating me up inside. I concealed it the best way I can. I knew that he didn’t feel the same way for me. I knew that he only saw me as a friend. I didn’t want to let him know in fear that it would affect the friendship. And I let it linger much to my detriment. It consumed me. My other friends noticed the changes in me.
This afternoon, while we were chatting, I felt the urge to tell him. And then, something just snapped.
Me: i need to not see you for a while because i’ve been falling for you
Him: what?
Him: serious?
Me: “falling for you” - serious
Him: oh
Him: as you wish
Him: do you want me to stay off your radar?
Me: that’s what i was talking about last night, about crossing lines.
Me: now that i’ve told you, i feel relieved.
Me: honestly, i don’t know how to deal with it
Him: its a terrible feeling…
Him: you’ll always have a friend in me Don
Me: it’s not a terrible feeling. dealing and coping is
Him: its confusing
Me: not really
Him: Do what you gotta do to sort things out. I’ll always be here
Him: you know whats best for you
Him: G’Night Don.
I don’t know what to make of this. I think I screwed up. I feel empty.